Dear me,
funny, but I knew that one day we will meet and I am grateful for this moment. For long 30 years we have been searching for each other which is why I am happy to have the privilege to write this letter to you, telling you how I feel and see ourselves. I bet you never thought you will be, where you are today! Your expectations took over your mind, not to mention that some years ago you didn't really know I exist. Well, you see, then our life happened and look at you today! I am so proud of you. You stand tall and are an independent young lady. I know, it's tough sometimes, when people try to shape you and put you in their way of living, but don't let them. Under no conditions, don't ever let somebody tell you who you should be and what's even worse, who they think it's acceptable for you to be. I told you many times, and I still have a feeling you're not fully trusting me, but people don't dare to live the life they have always dreamed of, it scares them. And then when they see you, how your fight for your dreams and yes, also struggle, they see a reflection on where they are in life. But this is their story you just keep on walking, you are on the right path. And no, you are not strange and thank god you are not normal and average! Maybe your life will not be as imagined and planned and it "should be", but this is just one life in the line of many more to come. So take it as an experience, possibility to grow, an adventure where day by day you are exploring the possibilities which were give to you.. Don't limit yourself by the expectations of others as this doesn't give you a room to grow. And I know, you know, you are not alone, and note that people will always come and go in your life. You said it your self that life is like a train, you have a destination, but then there are stops. Some will join you on your ride from the beginning till the end, and some will only be companions for a certain period. Not many can keep up your pace but this doesn't mean you should stop. No, no, take baby steps and you will be just fine. You know what makes me happy the most? To see that you are slowly learning about real you. What makes you happy and what doesn't and most of all that you are learning to let things go their own way in their own pace. I see know, that you no longer crave for people, things and events in you life, but just trust the process! I am guessing because we found each other. I promise I will do my best to always be with you, everywhere, all the time, but I am also asking you, not to forget about me. Even if it is going to look like there's no way out and during the rough times, I am with you. And especially, when things go well, keep me next to me. We are inseparable and only together we are whole. For the future I wish you to keep on trusting our heart, it really knows where it is taking you and life is on our side too. You can achieve many more so don't let anything stop you. You know you can give a lot to people around you, just be smart in sharing your inner wisdom and life energy as not everyone can understand you :-) yes, you are a little bit complex but this makes you unique and one of a kind. Whoever will be brave enough to see the real you, will not be disappointed by what you have to offer. Make sure you set boundaries in life but also learn even more to let your guards down, you will know when is the moment to do so. Keep on having faith into people and universal love, even if you will feel disappointed. Normally this will happen because you think people can see with their heart like you can. Here I have to disappoint you... it's just not given to everyone. You yourself know, that it was a long tough ride to come where you are today. This doesn't mean others around you are not capable of doing it, they just have their own pace and way of doing it. Again, just let it go. I am certain that your light will spread even more, but don't forget about the shadows. They are here and when giving them the chance, they will put you under their spell. When this happens, just go out to the nature, shadows hate nature because they fall apart there. I sincerely believe you are fully equipped to start the second 30 years completely differently, filled with empathy and understanding for others, heart full of love, fears surrounded by my love, our family and the ones who you will choose to be there. Choose wisely. Don't compare yourself to others and try to loose those expectation you still have, life might surprise you, you know. And as for me, already now I am looking forward to receive your reply by watching you living your life to the fullest. You know you can.
Always yours, your Soul
13 January 2017
2 January 2017
Past 366 days
Last day of year 2016 and just right now I'm suppose to be in a theater, watching the New Year's show and guess what, I walked away during it, because I couldn't cry in peace. And just now I have to cry. Nothing bad happened though, it's just that my soul needed this last cleaning of the year. At least for me it was an intense year. A year where I simply had enough. It was time to stop playing roles everywhere, be the good little girl in the last fields of life where I remained to follow. It was time to step up for myself and show I ain't that girl anymore, who just waits to be adored and gets a pet on the shoulder during every step she takes and be accepted by everyone and everywhere. I don't need it anymore. I found me and I have me and I am enough. I don't need somebody next to me to make me happy, but I am happy with that other somebody who is next to me.
2016 showed me another layer of my inner pain, where does it derive from and how deeps it really goes...it's so deep I don't and actually can't even remember, since I was too little. Where these deep feelings of loneliness and fear come from. But now I hold them dearly, because I am no longer afraid and I know that all going to be a okay. I am not alone anymore. So this wound is in its healing process. Although I have been asking myself plenty of times, including now, how long will it take, I guess it has too. I still trust the process. Nothing happens without a purpose in our lives and so far Universe has known exactly where it's been taking me and why wouldn't it now, this very moment.
2016 showed me, again and again, who are the people who understand and accept me. Who really really understands me. I'm not sure I can explain it really. I know now, who are the people who don't pity me for what I am going through and who actually understand. Who share my values and believes and live it. Who know what integrity means. And this narrowed the circle of some of my dearest people to just a few. But during this time, Life brought me some nice surprises too. Some new people who made me think. And who I honestly like. And with whom I can walk in silence through forest of pine trees. And they just accept and don't judge.
2016 said enough of pretending. On all areas of Life, starting with professional one and continuing to others. I have had enough and said it loud and clear. Put my job at risk, had other offers and again I trusted the inner voice, although sometimes I don't quite know why. But I don't pretend. And I don't keep quiet anymore.
2016 was an intense year. A year for which my first thoughts will still be soul search, honesty, writing, searching, resting, digging. Happy moments and difficult moments. But all in all I followed my heart and this has never proved me wrong.
In 2016 I am leaving limits and limitations. I learned to only judge by deeds and not by words. And I will leave my reason behind, because there are moments, when it deceives me, just because I normally wish to believe that people think like me and wish the best to others...well sometimes they don't!
In 2017 I will no longer do the "I have to-s", but instead I will continue to listen to that secret voice inside even if others don't like it and even if it means I might disappoint some people. I will follow the sun and keep on climbing to my top. Eventually I will reach it, I am certain of that. I will keep on talking to interesting people who can teach me something and I will continue to help people around me, but not blindly, my energy is too precious to give it to people who are fed by it to apologize their deeds somehow.
In 2017 I will spend even more time with my family, my grandparents and parents. Only by getting to know them, I will fully understand where I derive from and who I am. I will loose all the excuses for not taking that hour of my time and cook some tea or coffee and chit chat about who they were when they were my age. I will spend even more time in nature, because nature knows best. It always seeks harmony and knows when it's time to rest and when it's time to bloom and grow.
In 2017 I will continue to write for you. Honest words, my own life experiences. Maybe a little bit more, hopefully not less, but I think you learned it by know, that I only write when I have something to say straight from my heart. I will also be up to date on daily short messages on FB Allisaokay page - it's the daily position which we need to change. To put the theory which we learn from books into practice. That for me is true personal growth and soul progress. Just by being very smart and writing without any true life experience for me is nonsense. Good marketing without any content - anybody can do this, but sharing honest words of pain and love and troubles and rewards, that's what I feel is important.
And I feel 2017 is going to be a good year. For all of us on the path of soul search.
2016 showed me another layer of my inner pain, where does it derive from and how deeps it really goes...it's so deep I don't and actually can't even remember, since I was too little. Where these deep feelings of loneliness and fear come from. But now I hold them dearly, because I am no longer afraid and I know that all going to be a okay. I am not alone anymore. So this wound is in its healing process. Although I have been asking myself plenty of times, including now, how long will it take, I guess it has too. I still trust the process. Nothing happens without a purpose in our lives and so far Universe has known exactly where it's been taking me and why wouldn't it now, this very moment.
2016 showed me, again and again, who are the people who understand and accept me. Who really really understands me. I'm not sure I can explain it really. I know now, who are the people who don't pity me for what I am going through and who actually understand. Who share my values and believes and live it. Who know what integrity means. And this narrowed the circle of some of my dearest people to just a few. But during this time, Life brought me some nice surprises too. Some new people who made me think. And who I honestly like. And with whom I can walk in silence through forest of pine trees. And they just accept and don't judge.
2016 said enough of pretending. On all areas of Life, starting with professional one and continuing to others. I have had enough and said it loud and clear. Put my job at risk, had other offers and again I trusted the inner voice, although sometimes I don't quite know why. But I don't pretend. And I don't keep quiet anymore.
2016 was an intense year. A year for which my first thoughts will still be soul search, honesty, writing, searching, resting, digging. Happy moments and difficult moments. But all in all I followed my heart and this has never proved me wrong.
In 2016 I am leaving limits and limitations. I learned to only judge by deeds and not by words. And I will leave my reason behind, because there are moments, when it deceives me, just because I normally wish to believe that people think like me and wish the best to others...well sometimes they don't!
In 2017 I will no longer do the "I have to-s", but instead I will continue to listen to that secret voice inside even if others don't like it and even if it means I might disappoint some people. I will follow the sun and keep on climbing to my top. Eventually I will reach it, I am certain of that. I will keep on talking to interesting people who can teach me something and I will continue to help people around me, but not blindly, my energy is too precious to give it to people who are fed by it to apologize their deeds somehow.
In 2017 I will spend even more time with my family, my grandparents and parents. Only by getting to know them, I will fully understand where I derive from and who I am. I will loose all the excuses for not taking that hour of my time and cook some tea or coffee and chit chat about who they were when they were my age. I will spend even more time in nature, because nature knows best. It always seeks harmony and knows when it's time to rest and when it's time to bloom and grow.
In 2017 I will continue to write for you. Honest words, my own life experiences. Maybe a little bit more, hopefully not less, but I think you learned it by know, that I only write when I have something to say straight from my heart. I will also be up to date on daily short messages on FB Allisaokay page - it's the daily position which we need to change. To put the theory which we learn from books into practice. That for me is true personal growth and soul progress. Just by being very smart and writing without any true life experience for me is nonsense. Good marketing without any content - anybody can do this, but sharing honest words of pain and love and troubles and rewards, that's what I feel is important.
And I feel 2017 is going to be a good year. For all of us on the path of soul search.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)