Ending my last blog saying that my life is different, you are probably asking yourself, well how? What has changed? What has happened? And my answer to this would be nothing and everything. Everything came step by step, although I knew it, I felt it inside of me. So my first step was to take 5 days off and go on short holidays alone. Just me and it was in the midst of the mountains, where there is no telephone signal. In the evening, there are no lights, nothing. You hear all the animals there are in the forest. It was quite a test but I loved it. It gave me strength to show myself I can go somewhere alone without a problem. That I do not need a company of ten people, actually being alone in the nature is the best way to recover. And at the time I needed my personal soul recovery from the hospital. This was again something I needed to face alone as nobody can be me and live my life. The second thing which is a kind of an obvious one is that I completely changed my outfit style. I started with my underwear and shoes. Why underwear and shoes? Well think a little. Shoes are a symbol of how you walk through your life. How you move and step. Is it comfortable? Do you have a confident step or a shy one? Do you get any blisters? Which materials are shoes made from? Which colors? All these questions tell something about you and how you walk through your life. And then underwear. Something were intimate which is not to be shown to everybody. Something which defines how you feel even though it is not seen. Something soft and tender and something which shows how much do you appreciate yourself. Something which defines your attitude to intimacy. Do you care? How much do you care? And then came the jeans, shirts, sweaters, jumpers and in the end also coats. I have two new magical coats. Which change completely how I want to present myself to the world. How I choose the world to see me. So clothes are a symbolic transformation of me, coming from the inside and most definitely showing on the outside. The third thing was my job. I am still at the same company, yet it feels like I would start a new job. I have a new boss, new co-workers and a completely new content I'm working on. It's like my dreams came true. I am truly doing something which I believe in and is matched with my value system. It is something which can and I am sure will change the world we live in for the better and is at the same time helping to protect the nature. My new boss and all the people I work with help me, we work as a team. More experienced and higher level people help me to develop, to change how I think, how I approach topic and tasks. And I on the other hand, have complete freedom on how I will handle my responsibilities. The fourth change is that I no longer wait but and I go and do. I don't wish for somebody to come and something to happen. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest every minute, every day. So don't be afraid, go and do things alone and I promise you, that you actually never will be alone. Sit in your care and go for a trip. Treat yourself with a fancy lunch at a table for one. Go to the movies, concerts, theater. Nothing bad will happen, I promise you! The next very important thing which has changed is my relationship with my body. I cherish it more than anything. If it says to me it wants rest, I take over my sofa. I took up some new exercises, to make my body strong and fit, to have the stamina to enjoy life. Go on that short trek, ride horses, swim, do yoga. I found a massage studio close by where I live and once a month I'm there. I spoil by body as much as I can. It went through so much in the last decades, I hurt it not knowing by just holding in all the pain and fears and it is time I pamper it, as this is the only one I will have. The sixth thing on my list is more or less incomprehensible. It's the feeling inside of me, without chains and luggage. I can breathe, I say no without hesitation, I speak up when needed, I am no longer afraid to stand by myself, I don't care what other people say about me, I admitted to myself my pre-written scenarios of how I thought my life should be and threw them away, I choose with whom I spend my free time, I do things which make me happy. This changed the circle of people around me yet again. I have to be honest it's not the most easiest thing, but it was needed. I needed to make room for all the new adventures coming my way.
So yes, a lot has changed and I hope this post serves as something you can look forward to if you get up every time you stumble, if you continue to explore yourself, if you decide to get rid of fears and "should be-s" in your life. A new life awaits for you.
