Well by now I kind of got used to living three different lives in parallel: one being the serious, responsible boss who needs to work under constant time-pressure and facing unknow and unpredictable situations, second when I'm just a friend, sister, daughter and living the family-role and then there's the third side, when lately it's all about exploring my innerside, emotions, family patterns and karma, learing on my reactions and actions.
For some time now I've been noticing strange feelings inside of me when all is okay and right and not under stress and I just cant relax completely. And then the same feelings come when I achieve something... I can't really say I'm feeling like it's prohibited, but constantly after I feel good or achieve my personal goal, I have a feeling something bad will happen. Something to kill my happines and smile on my face. Something to remind me, that life is about lessons and suffering and nothing comes without sacrifaction. And I hate it. I hate this creepy feeling which weighs my body down, which raises my heartbeat, which makes me go home early, which makes me feel I can't do something, I can't climg that stupid mountain I've been looking my whole life, which numbles my hands and legs when climbing up a horse! I hate it and I finally realised that fear from enjoying life and success does exist. I knooow, it sounds really stupid, but hey, if you're a reader of my blogs, then something like this can't really surprise you, right? :)
And so as of July 2nd, 2015 I decided to face yet another of my personal obstacles and this time start enjoying and being proud of myself. Start going out on long summer nights and enjoy sleeping in in the morning, to laugh at all the stupid things going on around me and let life seduce me again. Cause you see, I knew how to enjoy in the past. I was queen of living a dolce vita 24/7, but then something happened and I lost myself.
So you see, this summer will be all about seducing myself again. Brining out this fearless, flirty me, who loves cold with wine and long summer nights, watching shooting stars and listening to portuguese music, eating long dinenrs full of calories with friends, riding from sunlight to dawn, reading under a pine tree and sunbathing at 8pm when the beach is empty, the one that dances the night away and just is. This summer will be only and exclusively about me.
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