You

Today I will write about one very special person I had in my life and listen to this.

I felt you for the past few months that you are somewhere around and close. After all these years I still know how are you and when you think of me. I thought of calling you or writing you an email but as always I decided to wait and see what God has ready for me and of course we met. It's been almost three years now. Actually exactly three years since the beginning of an end, a certain type of end. End which was too painful and we needed three years.

We both know, that what we had was so intensive and strong and special and different and difficult and too fast. It was the best moments of my life which I will never ever forget and it was the worst moments of my life when I really felt such pain I though Im going to die and yet this end was beginning of who I am now. I felt you like I never thought Im going to feel anybody else in my life and I really think I always will feel you.

You showed me what it means to love and to be loved. And I really mean love, not just care, but love. That life-changing "I love you", which if lucky you maybe say to two people in your life. You made my life spinning around and were the first person in life that calmed me down. We travelled the world when it was just us and the universe - the pictures are saved deep in my memory.

You loved cooking for me and spoiling me and would do just anything for me. We had our life planned, dreams written down over glasses of excellent wine, eating small delicious specialties of the locals, it was rainy, in the middle of mountains  and the world was ours. You understood me and knew me just by looking at me. Weekend getaways were like from a romantic movie.

But this were the good times, the first year and half of fairy tale. Then came the dark side of the story. Pain and tears and regrets and apologies and trying. We really tried and it just wasnt meant to be. Life in the end wasn't there for us.

We  needed bumping into each other like this. Feeling no one is around for that minute or two. It was the last sentence of our chapter. And I will only take the positive out of it, you showed me what love is and isn't and what it should be. And I really hope that all the pain and regrets and "what-ifs" I saw in your eyes arent true and were just old memories of us, breaking up. There's something I felt when sseeing you I can't comprehend just now and theere are some strange feeling in me I cant describe.

I really wish you all the best in this crazy world. I hope you are happy with your life and where you are and haven't forgotten your dreams.....apartments on your island and living life under the water. I wish you all the love there is, a family which will complete you and your broken inside. That some one special to take care of you and love you and cherish you like I didn't know how three years ago.

Always Yours

Is it all destiny or do we create life with the power of will?

Do you ever have a feeling, like you life is already written down and you're just an actor in this foolish game? Like somebody or someone would move you like playing chess? Sometimes you jump three spaces, then you move backwards, you sacrifise something......and it's chess-mat when you die? Coincidences (if you believe in them) make you meet people, who just by looking at your birth chart, are able to tell you almost by a minute precise, what happened to you and more or less also why. And then you ask yourself, why even bother! Every moment worrying or being scared is wasted and God knows how it's going to move us anyway and there's nothing you can do about.

But then again you have to make thousands and thousands of decisions in life, meaning you can be or even better said are the captain of your life. For example you take a decision, on what you want to be or do in life and just this very moment you can take another one and change it. Or not! The whole current of events will then follow your decision. Meaning nothing is pre-destined and each and every one of us has the power of free will and make his or her own decisions.

Every time I opened this questions in my head and heart, it feels like asking myself the questions of what came sooner: chicken or an egg? What I choose as my faith and belief right now is that when our soul decided to come down from heaven it knew exactly what's it signing up for, hence the big events in our life are most certainly already written down, but what am I going to do with them and learn (or not) is entirely up to me. So yes, in some way shooting star brought soul down to Earth touching every planet in our solar system a little bit hence making me, just the way I am. But then living (this) life here on Earth, making decisions what to do, when being mad or loving or travelling or crying ... is my own decisions. And then one might ask, how do I know I'm doing it right? My guess is follow your heart and intuition, as Jobs also said, they somehow know what you really want. And wishes aren't something we came up with, but were sent from somebody...and yet again our circle of questions comes...

I guess sometimes there're no straightforward answers in our life and it's all okay. Sometimes there can be two correct answers.