23 February 2017

My Teachers

School has always had a special place in my Life. I remember even when I was a little girl and there were summer vacations, starting June 25th, well on June 30th, I already had all the books and new pencils and pens and notebooks ready for a new school year, starting in September. And throughout the summer, I was showing the full set to every visitor, neighbor or a friend. I loved school, I still do and I always will. No wonder I have always been spending all my savings for extra education, course or a program, giving me new skills, new perception on life and world around me, and what's best - nobody could even take education away from me. I never gave anyone the right to tell me, what I think is wrong. It is what I think (or feel for that matters), and who are you, to tell me what is right and what is wrong. Always and I really mean always I had to come to a certain decision or opinion on my own. I never believed others, ever. Even if this means I had to stumble and fall, well then I stumbled and fell. Anyhow what I want to say is that school is my safe spot, it is one of the things I enjoy doing the most - learn. It is a place I always want to return to. Reading, studying, coloring the paragraphs in green and blue and pink, making notes, thinking, sharing, writing and lately also teaching. It could be that it runs in the family, since there are three teachers and one lecturer I am surrounded with.School gave me confidence to talk to anybody I meet in my life. I never felt I am less than anybody, because I could get a grip in every situation I found myself in, being a discussion with a priest on a philosophy of religion or a CEO on the latest stock markets change, well not to mention my beloved topics such as personal growth and Light spreading - here I am ruthless with values and integrity and willing to fight till the very end.

So, taking all this into consideration, you can imagine that also my perception of Teacher is rather profound. For me a teacher has always been somebody who earns by respect, has the sacred knowledge, which you can't find in books, gives me space and advice for me to take my own decisions and steps and surely and definitely doesn't think he/she is god, but has learned from Life's lessons. It is somebody with whom you feel safe and guarded in some way. It is somebody who has always provoked me and my mind, yet knows the boundaries. For me, having a degree doesn't make you a Teacher, but having the right attitude does. All my true teacher have always been in my life for a certain period of my Life, until they gave me what I needed to receive from them and learn from them, then I was left on my own until the very next challenge, which was too much for me alone.

My first and most important Teacher has of course been my family. My parents and my brother, my cousins, grandparents and then my friends. Yes, I call my friends my family as they really are my family. Anyhow, I could write one single blog post, a very long one indeed, just about them. But this is not, what I want to focus on today, so let me just say, that my family gave my values, self-esteem, confidence that I can make it, I can do it if only I wished for. It is both, what they have and haven't taught me, that actually gave me lessons and caused me to be where I am today. My parents gave me my freedom to travel and see the world, to go out and spread my wings, to choose on my own. I have never heard from them, you should do/go/make this and this. Never. I always heard from them, listen to yourself, it is your life and you will have to live with your decisions. Of course this was the most difficult I could hear from them, yet the most rewarding for bringing me to where I am today.

Then there were two Great ones until today. One came into my Life 5 and the other 3 years ago. It was during the most shattered times, and all in all how I met both, was one big coincidence- this is if you believe in them. The first one is almost 50 years older than I am, a very special somebody, sent from up above, there is no doubt in this. All the workshops and therapies I went through with him, well I felt peace, this inner content and gratitude. The way he says things, how he forms what he says is incredible. The biggest gift he gave to me, was my contact with my intuition, with my inner system of information. How to communicate with myself and how to  listen to myself. He taught me what is Light and what is Darkness and how to stay on the side of Light. He is one of a kind, and not just to me, but also to ten thousands he has helped so far. With him all the doubts are destroyed by the power of Great Love. So powerful yet so simple.

The second one, again, came to me, when I wasn't able to stand on my feet. The simplest way to tell what he caused in my life is to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was ice everywhere. It was cold, grey, very windy and no light anywhere. Everywhere you could look was thick ice and in the midst of this ice a girl, naked and without clothes, was sitting and hugging her knees, shacking from cold. Didn't trust a single person in this world. And then a man came, dressed like a hiker and he sat next to her. He just sat there, then after some time gave her a warm blanket. And when he gained her trust, he gave her some chocolate and slowly helped her to get up on her feet. Then slowly the surroundings started to change. Ice started to melt, grass became green and flowers started to grow. Then the man took a few steps forward and patiently waited for the girl to follow. And so she walked behind him. They came to a huge hill which in one side dropped into cliffs and straight into the sea. It was so high that you couldn't hear the splash of the waves anymore. When the girl started to climb, she was already fully equipped with a backpack, walking poles and strong shoes. She looked the horizon and hear the words, that she will make it on her own, so she climbed up to the hill and watched a beautiful clear sunset over the sea... I believe that this story is self-evident and there's nothing more to add.

Maybe now, you're asking yourself how does a Teacher come into your life? Well with me it was in a way that I asked for it. I was silently praying for somebody to help me and the Universe was generous and send me two Teachers. There are many more of others, who are also giving me important lessons on a daily basis, in my daily life, but the true teachers come when you are faced with life challenges for which no book has ever been written. But the key answer is to just honestly ask for a Teacher and I don't see a reason, why one wouldn't appear in your life. And one more things, observe your life a little bit, maybe, just maybe, you yourself a Teacher to someone around you.

13 January 2017

A letter to myself

Dear me,

funny, but I knew that one day we will meet and I am grateful for this moment. For long 30 years we have been searching for each other which is why I am happy to have the privilege to write this letter to you, telling you how I feel and see ourselves. I bet you never thought you will be, where you are today! Your expectations took over your mind, not to mention that some years ago you didn't really know I exist. Well, you see, then our life happened and look at you today! I am so proud of you. You stand tall and are an independent young lady. I know, it's tough sometimes, when people try to shape you and put you in their way of living, but don't let them. Under no conditions, don't ever let somebody tell you who you should be and what's even worse, who they think it's acceptable for you to be. I told you many times, and I still have a feeling you're not fully trusting me, but people don't dare to live the life they have always dreamed of, it scares them. And then when they see you, how your fight for your dreams and yes, also struggle, they see a reflection on where they are in life. But this is their story you just keep on walking, you are on the right path. And no, you are not strange and thank god you are not normal and average! Maybe your life will not be as imagined and planned and it "should be", but this is just one life in the line of many more to come. So take it as an experience, possibility to grow, an adventure where day by day you are exploring the possibilities which were give to you.. Don't limit yourself by the expectations of others as this doesn't give you a room to grow. And I know, you know, you are not alone, and note that people will always come and go in your life. You said it your self that life is like a train, you have a destination, but then there are stops. Some will join you on your ride from the beginning till the end, and some will only be companions for a certain period. Not many can keep up your pace but this doesn't mean you should stop. No, no, take baby steps and you will be just fine. You know what makes me happy the most? To see that you are slowly learning about real you. What makes you happy and what doesn't and most of all that you are learning to let things go their own way in their own pace. I see know, that you no longer crave for people, things and events in you life, but just trust the process! I am guessing because we found each other. I promise I will do my best to always be with you, everywhere, all the time, but I am also asking you, not to forget about me. Even if it is going to look like there's no way out and during the rough times, I am with you. And especially, when things go well, keep me next to me. We are inseparable and only together we are whole. For the future I wish you to keep on trusting our heart, it really knows where it is taking you and life is on our side too. You can achieve many more so don't let anything stop you. You know you can give a lot to people around you, just be smart in sharing your inner wisdom and life energy as not everyone can understand you :-) yes, you are a little bit complex but this makes you unique and one of a kind. Whoever will be brave enough to see the real you, will not be disappointed by what you have to offer. Make sure you set boundaries in life but also learn even more to let your guards down, you will know when is the moment to do so. Keep on having faith into people and universal love, even if you will feel disappointed. Normally this will happen because you think people can see with their heart like you can. Here I have to disappoint you... it's just not given to everyone. You yourself know, that it was a long tough ride to come where you are today. This doesn't mean others around you are not capable of doing it, they just have their own pace and way of doing it. Again, just let it go. I am certain that your light will spread even more, but don't forget about the shadows. They are here and when giving them the chance, they will put you under their spell. When this happens, just go out to the nature, shadows hate nature because they fall apart there. I sincerely believe you are fully equipped to start the second 30 years completely differently, filled with empathy and understanding for others, heart full of love, fears surrounded by my love, our family and the ones who you will choose to be there.  Choose wisely. Don't compare yourself to others and try to loose those expectation you still have, life might surprise you, you know. And as for me, already now I am looking forward to receive your reply by watching you living your life to the fullest. You know you can.
                                                                                            Always yours, your Soul

2 January 2017

Past 366 days

Last day of year 2016 and just right now I'm suppose to be in a theater, watching the New Year's show and guess what, I walked away during it, because I couldn't cry in peace. And just now I have to cry. Nothing bad happened though, it's just that my soul needed this last cleaning of the year. At least for me it was an intense year. A year where I simply had enough. It was time to stop playing roles everywhere, be the good little girl in the last fields of life where I remained to follow. It was time to step up for myself and show I ain't that girl anymore, who just waits to be adored and gets a pet on the shoulder during every step she takes and be accepted by everyone and everywhere. I don't need it anymore. I found me and I have me and I am enough. I don't need somebody next to me to make me happy, but I am happy with that other somebody who is next to me.

2016 showed me another layer of my inner pain, where does it derive from and how deeps it really goes...it's so deep I don't and actually can't even remember, since I was too little. Where these deep feelings of loneliness and fear come from. But now I hold them dearly, because I am no longer afraid and I know that  all going to be a okay. I am not alone anymore. So this wound is in its healing process. Although I have been asking myself plenty of times, including now, how long will it take, I guess it has too. I still trust the process. Nothing happens without a purpose in our lives and so far Universe has known exactly where it's been taking me and why wouldn't it now, this very moment.

2016 showed me, again and again, who are the people who understand and accept me. Who really really understands me. I'm not sure I can explain it really. I know now, who are the people who don't pity me for what I am going through and who actually understand. Who share my values and believes and live it. Who know what integrity means. And this narrowed the circle of some of my dearest people to just a few. But during this time, Life brought me some nice surprises too. Some new people who made me think. And who I honestly like. And with whom I can walk in silence through forest of pine trees. And they just accept and don't judge.

2016 said enough of pretending. On all areas of Life, starting with professional one and continuing to others. I have had enough and said it loud and clear. Put my job at risk, had other offers and again I trusted the inner voice, although sometimes I don't quite know why. But I don't pretend. And I don't keep quiet anymore.

2016 was an intense year. A year for which my first thoughts will still be soul search, honesty, writing, searching, resting, digging. Happy moments and difficult moments. But all in all I followed my heart and this has never proved me wrong.

In 2016 I am leaving limits and limitations. I learned to only judge by deeds and not by words. And I will leave my reason behind, because there are moments, when it deceives me, just because I normally wish to believe that people think like me and wish the best to others...well sometimes they don't!

In 2017 I will no longer do the "I have to-s", but instead I will continue to listen to that secret voice inside even if others don't like it and even if it means I might disappoint some people. I will follow the sun and keep on climbing to my top. Eventually I will reach it, I am certain of that. I will keep on talking to interesting people who can teach me something and I will continue to help people around me, but not blindly, my energy is too precious to give it to people who are fed by it to apologize their deeds somehow.

In 2017 I will spend even more time with my family, my grandparents and parents. Only by getting to know them, I will fully understand where I derive from and who I am. I will loose all the excuses for not taking that hour of my time and cook some tea or coffee and chit chat about who they were when they were my age. I will spend even more time in nature, because nature knows best. It always seeks harmony and knows when it's time to rest and when it's time to bloom and grow.

In 2017 I will continue to write for you. Honest words, my own life experiences. Maybe a little bit more, hopefully not less, but I think you learned it by know, that I only write when I have something to say straight from my heart. I will also be up to date on daily short messages on FB Allisaokay page - it's the daily position which we need to change. To put the theory which we learn from books into practice. That for me is true personal growth and soul progress. Just by being very smart and writing without any true life experience for me is nonsense. Good marketing without any content - anybody can do this, but sharing honest words of pain and love and troubles and rewards, that's what I feel is important.

And I feel 2017 is going to be a good year. For all of us on the path of soul search.

22 October 2016

Almost at the top

It's been a while now, I know, but there were so many unfamiliar yet positive things happening inside and outside of me, that I just needed to take this break. My last blog, which is about missing parents although they were standing next to me, released a heavy burden and created me wings to fly. Even for this post, there's so many things I want to share with you, encourage you to keep on going, to observe yourself, yet I don't quite know how to start and what to write...

After my time off at the seaside in August, I came back changed. I've always known that seaside cleans soul, but this time it made a profound impact to me. I was there with my girls and we know how to listen to each other, challenge each other, yet leave ourselves alone. It was time of deep dives and chillaxed days under pine trees. For sure the most important thing in that week was that I surrendered. Such a simple and innocent thing, but I gave control to others. I didn't drive back home. I could, but I refused, I wanted that four hours that somebody else took control and I could relax. I left my tears to fall and wounds to open. All that heavy feelings when it was expected of me, I expected of me to be strong, to take care of everything and to solve everything. I couldn't do it anymore, it was too much. I was sick and tired of always holding everything together, leading, managing, healing. I felt the deep loneliness which was with me ever since I was a kid I think, the need for someone, just for once, to take care of schedules, to-do lists etc. And this simple thing, when a friend of mine drove back home, caused an explosion inside me. I was shaking with tears in the middle of a beautiful drive...

I'm not the same since then. Allowing this sort of deep loneliness come out, changed my need to be with someone. Don't get me wrong, I still wish for that to happen, but on a completely different terms and from different standing point. Before I was scared and wanted to be with some body in order not to be alone and not to feel scared. Now I feel like a tree, a pretty stable and old tree. A tree with rather deep roots which hold together its core even in storms. In self-reflection I have seen what all my men in life taught me. I've realized that every pain in relationships brought me one step closer to myself. With the help of the weekly talks I realized what each person is teaching me, which wounds are healing. And how do you really know you've changed for good? When the world around you is starting to change.

I said no to many things I believed even two months ago are my satisfaction. I met new people and old people who are renewed came back to my life. I set a price under which I'm not willing to go. I spend time alone and I love it. I cook and dance, differently. The mountain I've been climbing for the past four years, well I'm almost at the top. I always go alone. Just me and my backpack. Normally I get up early, to avoid people. I sweat and I cry and lately I enjoy. Legs hurt no more, my lungs are filled with love and freedom and interestingly enough, every time I go up there, I come back stronger. I don't pressure myself that much anymore but just let it be. Things changed at work also, but I don't really want to go into details, not yet.

One of the most important things which happened to me in the past months, is that past came to visit me. The past I thought will stay there, but literally people found me again. It's been four years since then and I was a bit scared of what I'll hear. But then again, even here I've changed. I don't care how the Past is and what's been going on. I know that my story is much different to the collective one the Past is living. I've decided for a different step, a step towards me. But I have to admit, hearing about the Past was difficult, painful. Filled with feelings of fault. But I also am strong enough to confront this front, although here it's not completely up to me, but up to the Past also. Regardless of the result, I am proud of myself. I know that 6 months ago I would react from that almost 30 years old wound, now I always do my best to react from love. Pure innocent love, because I believe it always comes back, in one shape or another.

I know that these months now, are an important transition period. A very specific transition period, where I'm letting things to go their own way and during which my roots will grow deeper and stronger. I learned not to compare and judge, but also to stand tall and feel proud of myself. I learned that each and every one of us only deserves the best. I learned that will not settle for less than I can give and will not care about what others think. There were many months lately when I felt I was judged by people around me for one reason or another. But none of them is me and never will be, so I think for the first time in my life I didn't care and I still don't. Having the power to look into our hearts for what we really want, not what we think we want, and stand behind the decision is for me one of the courageous things you can do in your life.

12 August 2016

Adult kid

Now this one is completely unexpected and it hit me one day before leaving on holidays with my girls. I haven't really craved for it you know and I can't really tell how it came, but surely it has been preparing for the past weeks. All I wanted was to be alone and I was perfectly fine with it! Finally, after basically a year, I was all alone and happy with myself, at peace...spent time in the forest, walking, running, cooking delicious dinners. And I couldn't speak. To nobody. It was time of silence. I needed this time to recover from, well from the crazy world and myself I guess. From all the earthquakes inside me which changed my surface, on the outside and on the inside. And then again I died a little. Well, a lot actually. I can't say I haven't seen it coming, it's been up in the air, I was just waiting for it to come - as this is how a storm of revelation comes in my Life. It's never easy and lately it's getting deeper and deeper and hence harder and harder, but that's personal growth.

So, to cut to the point. Again I am about to go away, on short holidays. Very nice holidays actually, with people I love and who know me deep down, yet I felt like my world is tearing apart. And this time I really let it feel, feel what's inside me and all I could feel was that I miss my parents dearly! I though I was being nuts seriously! Living on my own, paying bills, responsible serious job and then I miss my parents. And what's more, in the last weeks I was sick and tired of taking care of everything. You see, all my life I was treated older than I actually was. The reason behind is, because actually I kind of am not a very typical for my age, responsible but soon (looking back now) I though this is not just being expected of me, but am me. Well guess again! It's not that it's not me, it's just that underneath, there comes time, when I want to feel 5 again. But this time, without thinking of when the next fight of my parents will be and taking care of everything just that we'll all be okay. There is another thing about me, I'm very sensitive. The moment a vibration changes in a relationship I feel it. So it was really very hard for me to be there when my parents were in a fight. But I only know this now. And what also helped was being around my nephew. He's the little angel of the family and when seeing how my parents are great with him and how cool it is to be just around, when the little one is around. How I basically missed being a kid.

Anyhow, the turning point, connecting all these feelings, was minutes ago, when I described all this to my friends, thinking myself I really am crazy and she simply said: "You know, sometimes you fight so much being an adult. It's okay to miss parents". And it hit me. It hit me deep and I realized this theme in my life actually. Trying to be an adult. A lot. It's not that my family expected this of me, I put this role on myself. Always being the responsible, grown up me, having all figured out. And then take a look at me now. Going on holidays and the little me inside would just like to stay at parent's house and hang around.

So you know, maybe in the next weeks I'll be an adult kid. I'll be adult where I really just really have to be. But in other areas, I'll be the kid again. I'll let my dad drive me around, going shopping with my mum and will just hang around with my parents. Because I never allowed myself this ten to twenty years back and I luckily and hopefully have some time to catch up. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about putting the responsibility for decisions to my parents and not leaving the nest, not at all. I'm taking about admitting to myself, I don't always have to be the grown up 24/7, there will be plenty of years to come.

And again, I'm grateful for the pain of last days, solitude days which brought me back to me and especially the little Me, who needs a hug, some encouragement and just doesn't have to be all grown up all the time. I guess I just saved the kid inside - some innocence and this free little girl who believes in happy endings.

10 July 2016

A storm causing freedom

It's been a while now, I haven't written anything, but there was a storm in my life, well it's still here actually, but this time, I'm not fighting against it, but following its winds. A storm which caused some further objects to fall in my life, making space for something new. It started with two weeks which I took off. I needed it. I had to calm down myself, to really feel, to contemplate all what has been happening in my life in the past half a year. I needed feelings to settle, wishes to have space to come out and me to set my internal compass again. As it seems, this time into a whole new direction. It's too early to talk about that, but what I do want to share with you is what happened inside of me, that I know and feel I will be able to do this change in my life. Something for which I am sure will change the path of my life and something which can cause yours to shift too.

As said above, it started when I was at the seaside. Ever since I can remember, sea has had a special influence to me. It clears my soul and body, causes me to see things top-down, from a wider perspective. Strangely enough, all I could do during this vacations was rest. I was exhausted, still am I guess. And it went on from there. Why am I so tired? Who am I giving myself to? What do I get in return and do I get anything in return? I prayed, did some yoga but more than anything I rested and had long conversations with a person very dear to me. Actually I got to know this person from a whole new perspective, some new bonds tied us together even more. And during nights under the stars and long morning coffees, I felt it. It came slowly yet steadily and what is more important very differently - this feeling of freedom and self-love. I do not even know how to describe it...it is something different, something that made me feel much stronger, a force which torn down something old in me. Something which changed how I see some relationships in life, how I see what I do on a day-to-day basis. It didn't come over night, surely not! It was in me for a while now, yet every time until now I knelt down and couldn't manage it, couldn't make a step further. This time I can and I will.

It was coming together for more than a month, hence my delay in writings. I have much to write, but if I don't feel right about it, I can't really do it, for me it needs to come from my heart, be sincere. Anyhow, in this weeks, when all was being prepared inside me, I knew something was up. I always feel like this, tired, cranky, need time to be alone, but I couldn't have it. Not in past weeks, not until this short break. And then it hit. There were some very clear dreams, earthquakes, damaging the building completely, me saving some important people in my life. And it went on and on. And all of a sudden I felt, I don't want to feel or be in any kind of relationship with anyone and anywhere where I feel self-evident. Where it is expected of me to be always there, to take care of everything, yet get little in return. And trust me, there were quite a few fields, I had to go into. And my main conclusion was, I deserve more. Very simple actually.

I am who I am. I am not self-evident. I am special and want to be, work, hang out, love, spend time with people where I feel that way. Very simple conclusion, yet the kind that I only read in books about it, had a feeling here and there in past (otherwise I wouldn't be able to move on, to where I am now), but this time, I am taking what I want - freedom in my life.


15 May 2016

Curing each other


Hmm how to start writing this one. So you see, what I can see as one of my most important missions in this life is to help others and by helping other, I help myself. Not just help, but cure, literally. It took me for years to finally admit this to myself, as it's not the easiest thing in the world. It means I have to work on myself constantly, seeing all the relations and if I want to help others, I first need to help myself, meaning normally I have to go through a lesson, in order to be next to others, when they go through something similar. I don't really think a person can understand and really help, compassionately, if one hasn't experienced it on his/her own. So that's one way of how I help people around me, more and more. Things just happen, I don't plan for people to come into my life. When fighting my own struggles, teachers came and throughout my whole life, they all gave me a simple conclusion: your mission is to help others. Nothing more complicated than this.

So I stepped on it. On this life-long journey for which I have no idea where it will lead me, and this is also why I'm writing this blog. As I would like to let all of you know, that it doesn't matter what's going on in your life and how strange, difficult and unusual it is, I can almost guarantee you, you are not the only one. It's because of that I talk about myself when I feel it's appropriate and necessary. Because I know I have the power to influence people and make them think. And it's also because I try daily to do what I preach, is that my moral standard are high above the sky. Sometimes so high, that people don't really understand why am I doing things I do. And in most of the cases it's difficult as hell, as I have to overcome my ego. And my ego is rather high, it's my highest guard when it comes to securing my heart and emotions. Yet, only by try to overcome it, I am developing myself, my reactions and I grow. That's why personal growth is difficult and if your ego is strong, you most likely have very interesting lessons in life. Of course it's only up to you, if you will see the lesson and try to learn something from it.

And as said above, it was difficult for me to admit to myself that simply, I just am a little bit different than others. Perhaps complicated, perhaps complex but then maybe I just feel deep and really strive to make a world a better place but helping people to sort out the relationship they have with themselves and people around, especially the one they care for. For me to learn a little bit more about myself and learn a new skill, which will help me to help others, I recently enrolled into a psychological astrology and psychoanalysis course. Of course we work on "our own material", meaning: my own emotions, fears, complexes, patterns etc etc. And it's not easy, trust me, it really isn't. When your life is complicated you learn that it's actually even more complicated. And despite only starting it, I already see, how my deepest wound is positioned in the field of deep interpersonal relations. The kind that shake you and dream of them. And connected to men. So a kind of a short summary would be, that my wounds, caused or started by men around me, I'll have to develop the power to cure this wound with them and by that cure myself as well. Of course as always until now, when I bring something into awareness, Life serves me a test.

All that is okay, until it comes to my own personal emotions. My emotions connected to the men in my life I adore and love, my family and closest friends. My lovers. Of course, only when you are connected with someone really close, you can learn something from it. And this is what just today I realized is happening to me in one of my stories with men around me. The person who's involved into this, knows very well what I'm talking about. I can't say I didn't see it coming from the beginning, cause I think we both knew it's there, it's just that it all turned into a very strange way. A complex form, when you're not really a friend, not a lover. Not a partner and not just a fling. When basically the relationship cannot have a label on it. You know what I mean? When we're together, there's something in the air. And the more we try to solve it, the more it's here. Of course I wouldn't be me, if I wouldn't look to it  from a broader perspective, to try and see the bigger meaning in all of this. I know there's no coincidences in life. And just today, when walking through my forest I let myself to feel, to see...to try and understand what's behind it. And as you know, I always claim, one can't see things by him/herself, we always need a reflection. So I called a special person in my life and described my second thoughts, my fears, what I sense and before I even started to talk, I realized why it's here. To cure each other. For me, to help cure his wounds and for him, to help mine. Very simple, yet very very strong and difficult. And this can only be done in a relation, a conversation just between us. We both can have as many talks as we want with other people, but the only way to solve this, will be to simply honestly talk to each other. And as I see it, we're both freaking scared of it, and ego is always on the way, asking why and do I really need it. But I don't believe in ego, I believe in love between human beings, honest words. That's the only cure we have and normally it heals the majority of our wounds. So it will happen. Soon.

The most important message I want to share with you today is to realize, that all relationships you're in, are teaching you something and more than that, that's how we're curing each other. We always meet people we need to in our life to show us something, to teach us something. Maybe sometimes we think we're only here for them, but that's never true. We can only develop as human beings in a relationship. And by that I don't mean a romantic relationship (that too of course), but a relation between two human beings. That's why we have emotions and can communicate. Not to sit and wait it will pass, cause it won't. If not with this person, than with the next one. The only thing that can pull us away is our ego - that's the biggest danger. And fear. But we all know that fear means stepping away from comfort zone. And that's completely and perfectly A okay.

So talk to each other, that's the only way you'll cure yourself and each other and be able to grow. And I have no idea what this is going to bring, honestly. But I felt it's the right thing to do. And I always try to follow my heart.