Last day of year 2016 and just right now I'm suppose to be in a theater, watching the New Year's show and guess what, I walked away during it, because I couldn't cry in peace. And just now I have to cry. Nothing bad happened though, it's just that my soul needed this last cleaning of the year. At least for me it was an intense year. A year where I simply had enough. It was time to stop playing roles everywhere, be the good little girl in the last fields of life where I remained to follow. It was time to step up for myself and show I ain't that girl anymore, who just waits to be adored and gets a pet on the shoulder during every step she takes and be accepted by everyone and everywhere. I don't need it anymore. I found me and I have me and I am enough. I don't need somebody next to me to make me happy, but I am happy with that other somebody who is next to me.
2016 showed me another layer of my inner pain, where does it derive from and how deeps it really goes...it's so deep I don't and actually can't even remember, since I was too little. Where these deep feelings of loneliness and fear come from. But now I hold them dearly, because I am no longer afraid and I know that all going to be a okay. I am not alone anymore. So this wound is in its healing process. Although I have been asking myself plenty of times, including now, how long will it take, I guess it has too. I still trust the process. Nothing happens without a purpose in our lives and so far Universe has known exactly where it's been taking me and why wouldn't it now, this very moment.
2016 showed me, again and again, who are the people who understand and accept me. Who really really understands me. I'm not sure I can explain it really. I know now, who are the people who don't pity me for what I am going through and who actually understand. Who share my values and believes and live it. Who know what integrity means. And this narrowed the circle of some of my dearest people to just a few. But during this time, Life brought me some nice surprises too. Some new people who made me think. And who I honestly like. And with whom I can walk in silence through forest of pine trees. And they just accept and don't judge.
2016 said enough of pretending. On all areas of Life, starting with professional one and continuing to others. I have had enough and said it loud and clear. Put my job at risk, had other offers and again I trusted the inner voice, although sometimes I don't quite know why. But I don't pretend. And I don't keep quiet anymore.
2016 was an intense year. A year for which my first thoughts will still be soul search, honesty, writing, searching, resting, digging. Happy moments and difficult moments. But all in all I followed my heart and this has never proved me wrong.
In 2016 I am leaving limits and limitations. I learned to only judge by deeds and not by words. And I will leave my reason behind, because there are moments, when it deceives me, just because I normally wish to believe that people think like me and wish the best to others...well sometimes they don't!
In 2017 I will no longer do the "I have to-s", but instead I will continue to listen to that secret voice inside even if others don't like it and even if it means I might disappoint some people. I will follow the sun and keep on climbing to my top. Eventually I will reach it, I am certain of that. I will keep on talking to interesting people who can teach me something and I will continue to help people around me, but not blindly, my energy is too precious to give it to people who are fed by it to apologize their deeds somehow.
In 2017 I will spend even more time with my family, my grandparents and parents. Only by getting to know them, I will fully understand where I derive from and who I am. I will loose all the excuses for not taking that hour of my time and cook some tea or coffee and chit chat about who they were when they were my age. I will spend even more time in nature, because nature knows best. It always seeks harmony and knows when it's time to rest and when it's time to bloom and grow.
In 2017 I will continue to write for you. Honest words, my own life experiences. Maybe a little bit more, hopefully not less, but I think you learned it by know, that I only write when I have something to say straight from my heart. I will also be up to date on daily short messages on FB Allisaokay page - it's the daily position which we need to change. To put the theory which we learn from books into practice. That for me is true personal growth and soul progress. Just by being very smart and writing without any true life experience for me is nonsense. Good marketing without any content - anybody can do this, but sharing honest words of pain and love and troubles and rewards, that's what I feel is important.
And I feel 2017 is going to be a good year. For all of us on the path of soul search.
No comments:
Post a Comment