Exploring your inside goes hand in hand with changes on the outside. Actually whatever is happening to us on the inside is reflected in our everyday reality. If you haven't paid attention to this fact, observe yourself and then also reality...sometimes the match can actually be pretty scary. And this is not just looking differently, feeling differently, but also sending out different vibes meaning attracting new people in your circle. And of course we are all interested in relationships we are in, being business, friendly or romantic. Especially the last part is what intrigues human kind. It's no secret we all want to be in a relationship fulfilling us and making us happy. But is that even possible if our deepest wounds don't heal? Do you even know which your deepest wounds are? My experience has been that a certain wound I had and have been curing it in the past months, literally reflected in every possible field in my life, but the most obvious were two: a relation with my boss and relationships I have had with men in my life. And guess where it all start? Yep, right at the beginning, when we were kids. It's no joke, that you have to dig deep to see why are you behaving the way we are, attracting the same kind of people and more importantly, where to search if you want to change anything. Starting point: your relationship with parents.
I could write a lot about my own experience, trust me it was a very profound one and on my mind for quite some time, but my heart says no. It's too personal. My heart says it has happened to me in my own mixture of experiences, character, circumstances and time. I know they gave me everything they could and knew and it's because of them, I am where I am today. And I will always be endlessly grateful to them, because they gave me the all they had, just for me to spread my wings, live abroad, try, do, wish...And yet nobody is perfect. We need to realize this as well. Even if you are a parent yourself and you are giving to your child everything you know and can and only wish for the best, there are certain wounds which they have or will have because of you. And this is okay. It's only with them, that we learn how to grow.
First of all, think about your love relationships. Now know, that people attracted you and you them, because you both send out the same vibe, in translation: most likely you have the same wounds, the same pain and you were attracted to each other to try and heal it. This is how it goes and this is why we were sent to each other, to heal ourselves at different stages in life. It is never just a "coincidence" we are with someone. And then ask yourself what are the things you are fighting for. What are the questions you are asking yourself when you're around with someone. And go deeper. Ask yourself how do you feel when you are hurt by the things you are fighting for, by the words, the looks. Now we're getting closer to our lesson or as I just heard from a "colleague light-spreader" opportunities. Actually I agree with him. They are opportunities, for us to grow. So, when you will comprehend the emotional cocktail in you, imagine yourself being a kid...when was it, that you felt this way? What was going on? Who hurt you? Who didn't understand you? What did you want, but didn't get? These are the questions which should help you, when exploring the inner you and meeting your inner child. It's there trust me, and it's craving for you to hear him and give him a long, comforting hug which he didn't get so many times in the past and say that you love him, just the way he is....
And then you start the healing process. It won't be easy but it will be rewarding. And what will the test be, whether anything changed inside you? Your next intense relationship. Being with a friend, co-worker you have to work 8hrs at work or next boyfriend or girlfriend. When you will start paying attention to what people around you actually give to you, what do you crave from them, which words do you wish to hear....remember it all goes back to when you were a kid and the relationship you had with your parents. There are of course important milestones along your youth as well, but our core personality is born until you're about 7 years old, and your emotional IQ is more or less set at the age of 3. So look at pictures when you were a child, ask parents, grandparents, neighbours, family friends....discover how your relations were, when you were young. Who hurt you, who comforted you. What made your proud, which were the situations you feared the most?
Of course all this will happen, when you are ready. You can't force the process of self-development, growth and inner search. Us, women, need to pay special attention to our fathers, and you men, to the ones with your mothers. It's them who set a pattern for all the men/women we'll ever be in a relationship with. It's what they couldn't give to us, that we're searching within others. All the hugs we didn't get, frozen emotions, words never spoken, fights we had to listen, fears in us which we try to calm down, expectation we have for others...my advice: try to give this to yourself first. Build yourself up first and then, you will suddenly also receive everything you ever wanted. And you won't have to try for it, it will come naturally. And I know, we are all focused on the romantic relationships, but really, you are in so many relationship throughout the day, that romantic, although being important, is not the only mirror we have.
My own experience: I have a co-worked who joined our company about a year after me and he was my mirror. And I hated him. Seriously, I hated him. I couldn't stand his energy, the fact that he was just sitting next to me. I thought I could just kill him. And all the anger I felt! Oh my god! And I had no idea, where did it come from...well...but then, in parallel this was the time when I was sorting out the relationship with my father. And trust me, immediately after I cleared out all the issues with my dad, my co-worker suddenly was no threat to me. I actually asked him out for lunch to see, what on Earth was going on. Right now, we go along really well and can work normally with each other.
I'm certain you all have cases like this, maybe now you will look at them from a different perspective. Of course, the romantic relationships are much more intense and also have stronger impact to our lives. I can just see, how the relationship with my father and then also emotional separation from him, is tattooed in all my romantic relationships. Very interesting indeed :).
So, this time, think about who's around you, what they cause in you, and when did you feel like that when you were a kid. This introspective look can reveal what you wouldn't believe in your wildest dreams. And then also prepare for changes in relationships around you - the tensions which fall apart and people who might walk away from you or....the bond between you will grow stronger. For sure it's not an easy process, but I think that each and every person around us, is teaching us something. So listen. And be grateful for your parents. Your soul, by that I mean you, actually chose them, to give you the set of experiences you need, to continue with your development.
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